Tuesday, February 22, 2011


He gave me life,

I tried to give it back.

He gave me hope,

But, I received anger.

He gave me laughter,

I shield it and cried.

He gave me grace,

I trade it for disgrace.

And then…

He gave it to me again,

I shed my tears in disbelief.

I told him that I loved Him.

I cried and cried again that night…

He went away.

Just then, I remembered

How can I not love myself?

And claim that I love him?

And so…

He gave me his truth

I took it and trade it, for a lie.

- This poem was published in the “That’s write antholoagy” the early 2000’s (2001-2004, I’m seated right now… I really can’t be bothered to stand and go ALL the way up the stairs.. then back down again just to check the facts…) it also won me a 1st prize distinction award for poetry in high school.

This piece was inspired after a Friday at Church. I rarely used to go to church, all I remember was the pastor talking about how we ‘gotta love Jesus’ and he said something along the lines of, we can’t love God and others without loving ourselves first. I guess most of us are still coming to terms with ourselves and our weaknesses or just those little quirks we would like to change, I knew then that I didn’t fully love myself. I suffered from depression and anxiety, my body was changing and I was aware of it. I hated it. I felt I was too aware of too many things all at once about myself and growing up in a middle eastern country where barely anybody looked like me it was hard to accept the way I looked, being overweight made it that much more difficult too.

Today, I still have body hang-ups as well as unconventional personality traits that sometimes work to my disadvantage, but I grow more and more accepting and sometimes loving too. I’m a proud Christian and a Jesus lover and this poem in a way symbolises the many times in my life that God has come to my rescue and how I fail and falter but am once again delivered through His Almighty Grace and through the power and the blood of Jesus Christ, my saviour.

THE FIRST ARCHIVES- A poetic journey into and through adolescence


fanuel said...

to show love you must be shown first. to give love you must receive it first. to preach love you must understand it. the best teacher is the person in the mirror. love the person in the mirror. and then love others as you love the person in the mirror.
i loved this!

Charlie Cakes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Charlie Cakes said...

wow! thanks for taking the time to read it! n ur words are so true..:)" the best teacher is the person in the mirror."