Worry not

The sun rises each day and feeds the earth its sunlight.

The wind blows and reminds the earth with invisible touch of it’s own existence.

Babies are formed in the womb delicately, silently and sacredly before birth.

Roots dig into the ground and stems climb towards the sky.

The sun never says to the earth ‘you owe me’.

The wind never stops caressing our skins.

The womb doesn’t delegate tasks to the fetus.

Roots know to grow downwards and allow the stem to grow upwards.

Worry not, for the sun will shine and you won’t need to pay.

The wind does not discriminate and will surely blow your way.

Babies don’t panic over the placement of their limbs,

Babies will just be…

An organism without a brain acknowledges its order: “roots grow down and stems grow up”

No one influences these actions… they just are…

Life is a successful adventure.

Worry not, for you are already a part of it.

If you can allow yourself to be created into being, from nothing in the period of nine months why worry over the events yet to transpire?

You are the miracle, it’s already done.

RAMBLINGS...... THE BIGGER SCHEME OF THINGS?

I’ve always been the kind of person who is on a journey, always trying to find, refine, reinvent and create herself. It’s just my way of being. Sometimes I come across something and I’m forced to concentrate on what is going on at that moment instead of chase what could be. It is at these moments that I sometimes get the feeling ‘It’, I mean the whole purpose thing is not really about me, you or us. I think our purpose is bigger than us.

I ‘m not saying we shouldn’t keep trudging, marching, crawling and riding our way to our goals. As I pointed out before, part of the whole setting goals and reaching them practice is just the way we breathe and battle through life. But I am suggesting that while we deserve to do what we love , we should not expect to find ourselves entirely through doing only what we love.

Just as we deserve to love we shouldn’t expect to find our complete semblance of being in the people we chose to love.

I suppose that when you are fulfilling your purpose you feel like you’ve painted a portrait in the gallery of the cosmos, and somehow you become a miniscule part of the masterpiece and that one masterpiece unravels into a bigger picture and perhaps you’ll start to ponder if all you ever were was a pawn in a bigger scheme of things, just merely a delivery agent, delivering a parcel to the world. I suppose that could be the peak pedestal one could ever stumble upon or succumb to. If I think about it mankind was and is constantly being delivered boundless chances of what is possible for great generations and a magnificent future. I just think the next time that I rush unbound into another goal or close to it, I take a moment every now and then to step aside and remember: that it’s not all about me and notice the kaleidoscope of opportunities being offered via other people around me. I shall also take time to accept that my purpose may not solely lie in achieving the goals I set for myself, but might exist in the capabilities others see in me.

Silent record playing on borrowed time

Silent songs play

While we kiss,

And wrap ourselves in bliss.

You smell like me

While I smell like you,

What was blurry now looks brand new.

I am enchanted by what radiates behind those sanguine eyes.

I am curious for our tomorrow,

But devour today because time is borrowed.

D A N C E

Dance tastes so good in my body,

If I were a flower,

Music would be my fertilizer.

If I were a disease,

Music would be the body

It pierces my soul

And replenishes my soil.

I leap and bounce and pace to the beat.

I fling my arms and wiggle my body.

I step and I trip.

I sweat and it drips.

I am elated, then defeated,

I am okay then in pain

then elated again.

The beat changes,

The rhythm ranges,

The song has ended,

The show is over,

But the dance continues.

Dance tastes good in my body.

I pray that I have more dance left in me,

I pray that the rhythm stays fresh

And as God as my DJ, I promise to dance forever.

_-=being_a_grownup=-_ my take anyway___==

I just pray that God is on my side, because I don’t know how to do this alone. I feel like the first two decades my parents were raising me and now I have to raise myself. I’ve never raised anyone before, but I have a feeling its going take a lot of tough love and I’ll have to say no to myself, when I don’t want to. I will have to also give to myself more than I used to. I really have to start taking care of myself and I’m going to have to stand up for myself and hold my own head up when it wants to droop low and face the floor. I’ll have to start helping and caring for myself as a mother would a growing child. I have to be sweet to myself and gentle, not like before. I can no longer be ruthless with myself because I am now officially my own owner.

I’m not sure if I was overprotected back then because I rarely thought of treating myself with careful consideration. I would ignore my parents’ suggestions if I didn’t feel like they were fun. Now I am doing the very things my parents used tell me to. Its funny how the definition of fun changes too, what used to be fun now becomes a choice, a decision... a mandatory one! Life doesn’t become a bore because of the chasm of choices, since at the moment the choices are still new. I get a sense of control from the opportunity to make a choice. Besides, when the options get too familiar there are mounts of adventure and bewilderment at my disposal and adult convenience. The only admonition is safety. Part of being your owner is also being your own protector.

The term ‘adult’ not only comes with high heels, romance, breasts, caffeine and mascara, but with deadlines, fines, hangovers, drama, heart-break and bills. Ahh... and what about the wisdom, maturity, refinement and realisation? Well, it’s a huge wake up call but unfortunately those qualities do not come naturally they are earned. It was like walking straight into a street light in the desert when I first realised this. It sucks, but it’s true, I guess that’s why there are adults who live recklessly in an aura of selfishness filing for bankruptcy while still charging everything to their credit cards and committing other unwise deeds.

I don’t know if one can ever prepare for adulthood, but here is a recipe for a prayer:

(To those of you, not yet adult but no longer children and to the rest of us still learning)

· Beams of knowledge

· Chunks of Faith

· Sprinkles of self discipline

· Pockets full of practicality

· A portion understanding

· A semi-permeable and elastic heart

· Scraps of patience

· Scoops of perseverance

I thank the LORD

I thank the LORD!

Because He has spoken

And I have heard.

I thank the LORD!

For His ever lasting promise

And His never failing word.

I am thankful that he has chosen me.

I am thankful that he knows who I can be.

I am thankful just to serve.

I am thankful for every fibre, for every nerve

Most of all I am thankful for things I have, but don’t deserve.

I am thankful to hear His praises in the church choir.

I am thankful that He rejoices in my making.

I am thankful that He is all I require.

I am thankful He is mine, for the taking.

I am thankful that HE freely gives my heart’s desire.

I am thankful.

I am thankful.

I am thankful.

Confrontation of a 13 year old ego

I would keep saying, hoping and praying,

That I would be worthy

Of all His blessing,

His mercies and praises.

I would be whole.

Now I am older, I am bolder.

Lying and fighting myself

Is not the way to His righteousness.

So now I am saying, hoping and praying,

That He let me see how beautiful I already am,

Despite what others say I am.

I am hoping and saying,

Trying and praying

Asking Him to teach me to love me,

To show me why I am.

I’m trying to be happy in the skin

I’m in

I know there’s no point fiddling,

With the features I’m given,

Even if there are others giggling.

PRAYER 17

THE FIRST ARCHIVES- A poetic journey into and through adolescence ~

It’s true what they say,

About people who pray,

They pray when they have committed a sinful deed,

Or are truly in need.

I pray because I have committed a sinful deed

And feel I am in need.

“Dear God…”

…I pray…

“Help me father”, I say

Please Lord, Please.

Lord, God Almighty- let this trouble cease.

I’ve learnt my lesson well

This lesson I will spread and tell,

Be wise and know that crime never pays,

Be careful and someday goodness may.

Amen.

- This is a prayer I wrote when I was about to turn seventeen. I had been caught shoplifting by the local authorities and I had a court case to settle. I had no lawyer, we did not have the finances and it was the beginning of my summer vacation, my mother and brother were back in Tanzania and my dad was regularly at work, so I was staying with some family friends. Eventually my parents found out and I was screwed, I thought my life was over. I prayed and prayed and a month later, the day before my seventeenth birthday I prayed again, I got a revelation from God and an hour later I got the call that the charges were dropped. I have learnt my lesson and am no longer that person.