Wednesday, April 13, 2011

_-=being_a_grownup=-_ my take anyway___==

I just pray that God is on my side, because I don’t know how to do this alone. I feel like the first two decades my parents were raising me and now I have to raise myself. I’ve never raised anyone before, but I have a feeling its going take a lot of tough love and I’ll have to say no to myself, when I don’t want to. I will have to also give to myself more than I used to. I really have to start taking care of myself and I’m going to have to stand up for myself and hold my own head up when it wants to droop low and face the floor. I’ll have to start helping and caring for myself as a mother would a growing child. I have to be sweet to myself and gentle, not like before. I can no longer be ruthless with myself because I am now officially my own owner.

I’m not sure if I was overprotected back then because I rarely thought of treating myself with careful consideration. I would ignore my parents’ suggestions if I didn’t feel like they were fun. Now I am doing the very things my parents used tell me to. Its funny how the definition of fun changes too, what used to be fun now becomes a choice, a decision... a mandatory one! Life doesn’t become a bore because of the chasm of choices, since at the moment the choices are still new. I get a sense of control from the opportunity to make a choice. Besides, when the options get too familiar there are mounts of adventure and bewilderment at my disposal and adult convenience. The only admonition is safety. Part of being your owner is also being your own protector.

The term ‘adult’ not only comes with high heels, romance, breasts, caffeine and mascara, but with deadlines, fines, hangovers, drama, heart-break and bills. Ahh... and what about the wisdom, maturity, refinement and realisation? Well, it’s a huge wake up call but unfortunately those qualities do not come naturally they are earned. It was like walking straight into a street light in the desert when I first realised this. It sucks, but it’s true, I guess that’s why there are adults who live recklessly in an aura of selfishness filing for bankruptcy while still charging everything to their credit cards and committing other unwise deeds.

I don’t know if one can ever prepare for adulthood, but here is a recipe for a prayer:

(To those of you, not yet adult but no longer children and to the rest of us still learning)

· Beams of knowledge

· Chunks of Faith

· Sprinkles of self discipline

· Pockets full of practicality

· A portion understanding

· A semi-permeable and elastic heart

· Scraps of patience

· Scoops of perseverance