Saturday, August 13, 2011

Club Clinger: How to ditch the annoying guy

I’m sure you are too familiar with this guy. The one at the club who pesters you and perhaps due to intoxication or poor social skills doesn’t seem to understand that you are simply not interested. Here are a few quick fixes that should really SHOUT the message I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOU!!!!

  • My girlfriends and I used to go to clubs with a ring in our pockets so we could slip it on our finger and tell the guys we weren’t interested in that we were engaged.
  • If I just couldn’t be bothered I would speak gibberish into his ear then mumble out a ‘I …I don’t English’ ‘My English no understand you’. Aww, isn’t that a shame?
  • Sadly that guy with appalling social bearings might in some cases be not so repelled at the idea of the two of you not speaking the same language, so that’s when I act all rude and would say in perfect English ‘that’s my girlfriend’ and point to one of my girlfriends, of course she would know about this beforehand and not be hitting on some guy, thus giving the impression of a lesbian couple. (of course I mean no disrespect to my lesbian and gay friends- but a club clinger must be dealt with the utmost extremity!)
  • And unfortunately some guys would find this an even greater turn on. So I’d simply state that I’m expecting a baby. Yes I am pregnant, since two minutes ago. Artificial insemination that is.
  • Having an invisible boyfriend is a popular one too.
  • Once the music was so loud in the club, I couldn’t hear the guy so I waved my hands around a couple of times and then simply played deaf. I started signing him… and then simply acted offended and walked away. Yup, I became deaf too.

If being the pregnant engaged deaf lesbian foreigner doesn’t work. Be strong and just tell him that he’s not your type and that you are not interested and give him a cold shoulder. You did him a favor by not wasting his time.